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Hi. How are you today? I’m worn out. Too many new things are happening all at once. I live-streamed my tiny, temporary art studio today. I stayed positive. When this is all over, I would like to burn this dress. The corgi-butt socks are forever, though.
The biggest reason why I'm not just taking photographs of myself and posting those to document my therapy-through-attire is because I'm notoriously camera-shy. In this age of Insta-Twi-FB-Tok, I know that's weird. It is what it is, and I'm not planning on changing it. Even just posting cartoons of myself is hard.
For today's FB Livestream studio tour on Standby Studio Series, I put my tiny, interim studio setup on camera—both the painting space and the digital space, and showed a little of the paintings I usually do. I think it lasted about five minutes, and I was so anxious that by the end of it I was winded. I used to teach design, coding, and design tools for seven to eight hours at a time on a regular basis, talking for most of that time. I ran meetings for design, etc., stuff. I did fire and dance performances at public events. None of that stressed me out nearly as much as five minutes of talking on video.
Knowing that this would be a hard exercise in learning and sharing, I put on my "I'm about to do a hard thing" dress, "the world is made of love, just look at our butts" corgi socks, and the pin that looks like a palette that was given to me by my aunt and that used to belong to my great grandmother who was also a painter. That was a very long sentence.
The dress needs to go because I decided while drawing this that it's racked up enough Hard Things points. It's racked up enough, as of today, that just wearing it is adding stress. It feels like it's starting to take parts of me away, and I'm not okay with that.