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Sheltering-in-Place: Day 72

A woman climbs a tree of her own making. She's wearing a hooded sweatshirt that seems to say, Hamlet, on the back of it. Saplings sprout from the ground. The text on the image reads  Safety is an illusion. I’m going to grow my garden anyway.

The text on the image reads

Safety is an illusion. I’m going to grow my garden anyway.

It seems like a fitting day for both my Hamlet sweatshirt and my science officer Star Trek socks. I want to be comforted after watching and reading so much hard news. I want to be excited about SpaceX and NASA. I want

Wanting is not calming for me. Wanting doesn't help me. Doing helps me. Trying calms me. So, eventually today, I worked on my drawing. I texted with friends. I keep checking in with my husband. 

I'm metaphorically tending my garden, growing my flowers, climbing my trees. I'm bringing forward symbols of memories to shine down the thoughts I didn't request and can't easily control. I can do all of this, and in a second it might not ever matter. I could fall, like Ophelia, trying to hold onto my mind, chasing my flowers in tree branches only to have my support system break beneath me, letting gravity have its way. I could drown by trying to live. It's a theme with me, anyway. 

But I don't know what will happen. If I don't fight, nothing will change. If I do fight, something might. Having decided to fight, I need to decide what fighting means. Not everyone is a protester or a medic. Not everyone is an orator or a leader. Not every battle is public.

So. Hi. I have to remind myself of these things, and more, to keep the oubliette away. I have to keep telling myself that adding beauty, even awkwardly, is something. It might even be enough.

Sidenote: I used to do some freelance design work for Cal Shakes.

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