Sheltering-in-Place: Day 72
The text on the image reads
Safety is an illusion. I’m going to grow my garden anyway.
It seems like a fitting day for both my Hamlet sweatshirt and my science officer Star Trek socks. I want to be comforted after watching and reading so much hard news. I want to be excited about SpaceX and NASA. I want.
Wanting is not calming for me. Wanting doesn't help me. Doing helps me. Trying calms me. So, eventually today, I worked on my drawing. I texted with friends. I keep checking in with my husband.
I'm metaphorically tending my garden, growing my flowers, climbing my trees. I'm bringing forward symbols of memories to shine down the thoughts I didn't request and can't easily control. I can do all of this and in a second it might not ever matter. I could fall, like Ophelia, trying to hold onto my mind, chasing my flowers in tree branches only to have my support system break beneath me, letting gravity have its way. I could drown by trying to live. It's a theme with me, anyway.
But I don't know what will happen. If I don't fight, nothing will change. If I do fight, something might. Having decided to fight, I need to decide what fighting means. Not everyone is a protester or a medic. Not everyone is an orator or a leader. Not every battle is public.
So. Hi. I have to remind myself of these things, and more, to keep the oubliette away. I have to keep telling myself that adding beauty, even awkwardly, is something. It might even be enough.
Side note: I used to do some freelance design work for Cal Shakes.
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